Sorry

(Written after a fairly vocal argument/conflict with my mother)

I’m sorry,
That I don’t know any other way to express myself
I’m sorry,
That it always seems to end up with us yelling at each other

I wish I could express myself better
I wish I could tell you how I feel.

But because you weren’t there for me
Because you missed me growing up
Because you were virtually absent during my childhood,

I don’t know how to talk to you
I don’t know how to express myself
I don’t know how to tell you that I’m sick and tired of the yelling
I don’t know how to tell you that you need to treat your own mother better
I don’t know how to tell you why I feel this way
I don’t know how to tell you how sad I always am
I don’t know how to tell you how angry I get
I don’t know how to tell you that it’s because of our splintering family
I don’t know how to tell you anything
I don’t know.

And so it always comes to this:
Things boil over,
Tensions rise,
And I can handle it no longer
And I lose it.

And for that, I’m sorry.